I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
