i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
