I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
