I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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