I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
