I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
