Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
