After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
