i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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