i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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