guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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