i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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