We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
how does that bad decision feel?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
