So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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