He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
