dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
