3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
