he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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