It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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