wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
