I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
