Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
