you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
