I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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