I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
