He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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