And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize