remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
