New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
