I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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