I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
