Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
