I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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