Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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