I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
