what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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