Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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