You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
