you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize