You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
