Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
