The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
