We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
