nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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