we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
