You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
