if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
