I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dignity is for republicans.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
