Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize