Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
