We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
