what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
