omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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