I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
