She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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