3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize