If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
