I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
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