went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
