Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I could fuck to npr.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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