is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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