eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
