Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
