i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
