Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
