I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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