remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
