I'm going to jail i love you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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