im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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