Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
