First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
