no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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