he thought i was a dude.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
