So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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