My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
