Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
