Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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