I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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