Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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