I skipped work to stalk him.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
