I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
