its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
