my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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