yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
