I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
