Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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