can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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