Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
