I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize